Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Skipped chem paper review to see doctor for my sore eye today. Waited for a dear 3 and a half hours to see 3 minutes of the doctor's pretty face and spent $17.85 to obtain the little one-dollar eye drop.
"It's a minor infection you know." The doctor stared at me in surprise, as if she was unable to comprehend the reason I would spend 3 and a half hours (Let me stress the time wasted again) waiting just to solve this trivial matter.
I gently suggested to her that this 'minor infection' has brought me great trouble, disturbance and pain, but she chose to ignore this literally glaring fact. Because of this sore eye, I became so conscious of the blinking movement of my eyes. Each time I blink, the nerves will send continuous action impulse to my brain, reminding me of the pain it take to pull that eyelid down by 1.5cm distance. Blinking has become a more torturous experience than running 10km, doing 30 pull-ups, 100 sit-ups or 20 sommersaults! And imagine having to blink 30 (I think. It's too tortourous to count it) times per minute! And never am I so consious about how frequently I blink, or how fortunate it is to be able to blink your eye without being consious of it.
Which brought me to the awareness of how lucky we are to have all abled body parts (well, except for my currently dysfunctioning right eye). At least we can move freely, though at times restricted by our inflexibilty. When at the bus stop I saw an old father alighting, following him was his daughter who walked with much difficulty. She could not stand independently without a support, and had to rely on her dad to even clean the surface of her spectacles.
Which brought me to the consideration if we should favour abortion if we can detect early that the foetus is deformed. It is not only about the right to live by the foetus. It is about the hardships that the child will go through throughout her life, and all troubles the parents have to experience to bring up the child, all the way till when the parents are old and grey-haired, having health problems themselves as well. Does granting the foetus the right to live justify all the problems the child and the parents face later in life? Yes we do hear about cases of success by members of these physically-disabled population, but we should not also forget all the rest of the disableds who are suffering in silence. How many of them can have the chance of becoming Kelvin Tan Wei Lian or Hellen Keller? It does not mean that we should neglect the presence of these sufferers simply because they are not in the public's limelight.
Well, back to my own world. Realise my two years in Hwa Chong has been quite disastrous, lost my voice once thanks to PW, fever twice, sore eye thrice(this is such an eye sore!), scarred my legs five times (only in this three months! Three of them exposed the rosy blood beneath the dead epidermal cells, one of them left an eternal scar), cough for uncountable days. Just wish that I am safe and sound for the rest of the year.
When I let Mrs. Tam sign my Out-of-Campus form, I told her that I was going to commit suicide. She nodded blankly. Thinking that she has understood me, I asked her to pray for me every 3 October. She nodded again. Asking me where she should place the flowers. My answer: Anywhere will do, it's the thought that count. Then I suggested to her that as my civics tutore for two wonderful years, she might wish to write an orbituary for me. She nodded apprehensively again. She would regret this if I really jumped down later. Haha. But well, I am too in love with myself to break myself into pieces!
The verdict for my visit to Bukit Batok Polyclinic: I have to stop wearing contacts for 2 weeks, throw away my current pair and apply a drop of eye drop onto my right eye four times a day, keeping it in refrigerator when not in use.


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- 土生土長的華人
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