Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Time is getting bad. I am trying so hard to force myself to sit down properly for at least one hour to do my revision which I should have done LONG LONG AGO. But I just can't. No matter how much I try to pester myself, to counsel myself, to advise myself, to sweettalk myself, I just can't pull myself together. I will just wonder to play Minesweeper on Joni's laptop, do silly things with the 5 Silly Girls, or to dreamland. Sorry Janice, have to trouble you to keep pulling me out from bed everyday and night. Nobody will believe that I am truly unprepared and exasperately panicked. The monster in me will just not allow me to settle down to do what I should do. Time is running up and I really want to do my best for 'A's. I really really want to. But the monster in me doesn't allow me to! Looking at everybody, even the Sec 4s and the bridging scholars working so hard makes me feel like escaping. Escape to the world with no more 'A's. I want to do well. I don't want to repeat J2. It is a memorable experience but too torturous to be repeated. I really want to do well. But I can't turn back time or re-utilise all the time that I have wasted. And I can't even promise that I won't waste anytime anymore. And I can't promise that I can be prepared for any paper. Or for the interview. But I really want to do well. I really want too...

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