Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Rejected once.
Rejected twice.
Thrice.
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Sunday, December 25, 2005

I think I must be crazy. Went all the way to Singapore just for class dinner. This dinner is so expensive neh...
Put up at jy's home. We had a seemingly-fun-but-actually-it's-plain-boring jalan-jalan along the stretch of Orchard Road on Christmas' eve. We endured the uncountable puffs of smoke while waiting for TXY, polluted by smell-like-hairgel foam, pushed our way through the ultra crowded crowd. Half of the Singaporeans must be out on the streets on that day. But poor Yunli had more to endure. She was wearing a pair of 2-inch heels neh. And the cruel us actually walked from Orchard MRT all the way to the Esplanade! Then rushed from the waterfront back to Cityhall MRT to catch the last train! Poor thing poor thing.
We didn't manage to countdown. We didn't even realised that it's 12am already! I was busy giving directions to Mr. and Mrs. Tang then to the waterfront. So, no celebrations. But we prank called WLS and Xavier. The former threatened to submit us to the police for nuisance call. Terrified, we guai guai owned up to him. *sigh* He is not that fun-loving after all.
I spent my entire christmas dating hailing. Can't believe it. We went to Jaspar's church to join their christmas celebration, but was chased out by boredom.
So, that's all for Christmas. Nothing much but filled with tiny little minute stuff. Oh yeah, with diarrhoea too. Twice on the eve, thrice in the morning of Christmas. Till JY mama treated me with anti-diarrhoea medicine. But well, that's the end of my Christmas. And the beginning of many more days of feeling loss and lonely.
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Saturday, December 17, 2005

I am so bored. This is weird. We always long for holiday, but when it's finally here, we are at a loss of how to spend the time. Hmm... Ok. Strictly speaking, I am still fine with it la. Not too bored. Da Vinci Code is really an amazing triller. Ok I know I am slow, but I still feel lucky to have a chance to read it. It keeps you on hold when the story is just at its climax, closes that chapter, brings you to the other story, which is equally exciting, then stops again, then back to the first story. It's fun reading it, nonetheless tiring. I won't want to read other Dan Brown's novels anymore. I read for leisure, not to drain up my energy. Dan Brown always make me feel so worn out after reading. I still prefer novels which are plainer, not that complicated. Umm.. I can sense a change in my attitude liao. Last time I used to ask my mum to buy the entire series of something-like-CSI books for me in Primary 6. But what happened now?
Ok shall not dwell too muchon myself. That's boring. I was tagged by Yunli long ago. I shall answer them now.
5 random facts about me:
  1. I love red roses and white lilies. Maybe sunflowers too. Any naturally-scented flowers will do. So 俗气...
  2. I hate to be controlled but don't like to make decision.
  3. I want to travel to Egypt, Norway, Bhutan and Turkey...
  4. My ears are sensitive to non-silver, non-gold, non-plastic ear rings.
  5. I love night-walking with friends. The serene ambience is just perfect for friends to talk their hearts out.

Ok. Anyone ho wanna do just this just do la. Don't feel like haunting others' tagboard.

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

“为什么你从来没正眼看过女孩子?”
“因为我瞳孔太小了。”
“真的吗?”
“嗯。小得...只能看见你。”
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

A day at Home


Used the net till 5am today, kena scolded by my mum and dad and my sis for countless number of times. Then woke up at near 11am. Ate breakfast at 11, helped at the kitchen to prepare lunch. I washed rice and cut mangoes which I practically finished up half of them. Then lunch at 1pm. Oh my gosh. So that's my mum's diet plan for me. How brilliant. But well, I did do something constructive in the afternoon. To unpack my stuff and settle them in my much-abandoned room. A lot of work neh. Felt so stupid. I just squeezed everything in boxes days ago and now I am unpacking all of them again. Feel that my actions are so meaningless. But well, they are necessary... Was so worn out by another round of clearing of unnecessary stuff in my room. The rubbish I have accumulated over the years.
But now at least my room looks more like a room. And a little more touch up will make it seem more personalised. I will do it. Soon...

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the Artists of 04S73

1. Just in: An ultra smart guy who raises our class reputation in the field of academics. Still remember the chem practical session when he tried to dissolve a filter paper using conc HCl. Always irritate Rudy but Rudy loves it anyway.

2. MP Ho: Musically-talented MP, my uncle and my angel. Will he be the first to be such an MP? I don't know. Thanks lots for helping me to boost my confidence during Geyao, though screwed up my performance in the end...
3. Hooxy: The first girl whom I talked to, who confused and depressed me then by telling me that our class is a triple-science one. Always so artiscally dreamy and demure. But can turned very crazy when the topic is Junyang. I will always remember the time when we went to catch a glimpse of the Superstars. Thanks to her we got so close to them. But sadly she forgot to bring her camera.
4. Mashimaro: My father neh... Ok. I know this relationship didn't work out. Seemed like he has undergone huge transformation in terms of looks. Succeeded anyway, but I still prefer to remember you as the guy with centre-parting. but he is a kind and caring guy.
5. Mrs Lee: My sister neh... Who is always there to cheer me up, to console me when I am down, to tell me to ignore the guys' comments. Still remember her being very frustrated cuz the class was too cheena. But hopefully she's satisfied with the class now, since she has found someone to love her.
6. Mr. Lee: The muscular canoeist who always rolled his eyes whenever I lowered the temperature of the environment. Thanks to him class chalet 1 was not boring, as we were deeply immersed in the playstation he brought.
7. Pork: Cat of the class according to John neh. She's so small that she can curl like a cat on a crouch and sleep. Together we been through many song sessions, and remember the pain we took to find a suitable key for her. Think she will do very well if she decides to open a shop selling stationery which she personalises.
8. THE councillor: The girl who couldn't quite stand me at the beginning of last year. But hope that things have smoothened out. Will always speak up for her right and position. Still remember when she quarreled with the lab tech who fined the class for test tubes.
9. Li Jie: I accidentally drew many ugly smiley faces on her chem 04 paper, when trying to imitate the cute little boy she sketched. She always gives me the impression being self-disciplined. May be it's due to her neat looks.
10. Siyu: The master of zen whom I am so grateful to have her as my PW comrade. If she ever writes a book about zen I promise to be her first reader. Always look so calm, as if she is not bothered by the storm outside her peaceful world.
11. Xiao Long Bao: My daughter neh… By mitosis. She never gets angry no matter how much you irritate her and this is certified by me who is the best irritator. She is so cute, you just want to pinch her whenever you see her. But caution! She has deep thinking. That’s why wanbao loves her.
12. Mousie: My huayun work partner neh. Was quite close to her since huayun period. Don’t understand why she always thinks that she is fat when she has no more fats to lose. She will always be there with me whenever I want to play games with the guys during PE lessons.
13. The queen of Birds: My mortal for the first 3 months neh... I was forced to adopt her after her angel, who was my mortal left after cny to aus. Was very afraid of her when she started showing her cynical side after the first three months. But I am over it already, and have grown to lover her. She does have her feminine side as well, which is especially apparent after she is attached.
14. Chopin: The entertainer of the class neh. But somehow I always think that he is a lot more than that. He has deep thoughts which he seldom reveals. But I really wonder how he is able to come up with so many interesting jokes and stuff. He steals the limelight by his mere presence.
15. Low low: The guy with the same initials as me neh… Somehow my outside friends are able to guess his Chinese name by merely telling them his initials. Hope that he is strong enough to endure all the turbulence in life. I am really concern about him.
16. Weisi: Pink, pink and pink. Really wonder how many pink clothes she has. But well, she looks good in pink, so what more I can say? Sorry for always joking about you and uh-hmm. Hope you won’t mind.
17. Peach: There is too much about you and me already. So ‘nuff said. Just to tell you that I love your mega-watt smile, and love the time, every single minute and second I have had with you. Thanks for helping me to solve problems, esp you-know-what.
18. Set: Very stressful when the only other ASEAN scholar in the class is a national top scorer neh.. But he broke/sprained/fractured his ankle upon knowing his O level results. Try to be lame? Continue to try HARD! But he is quite there already la.
19. Yong quan: The pyjamas man. He looked astonishingly handsome on prom night. $600 is worth it. And you deserve it fully, after working so hard over the two years and before you entering the grueling BMT. All the best neh!
20. Mollie: I owe him an apology for showing such bad attitude during the PW period. But well, glad that things turned out better between us at the last few months. He is funny and da4 fang1. Will allow us to joke about him and not get angry,
21. Ming Zhen: The mysterious guy in the class, who seemed heck care about the class affairs, but always turned up for gatherings and outings. Very skillful basketball player neh… Always scores like nobody’s business. well, it’s really nobody’s business la.
22. Ladybird: The only female classmate I ever had in the hostel. Always being so motherly and caring to the childish me. Thanks for helping me to move house, to study with me and organizing LEPer outing. I am sorry I couldn’t make it…
23. Bangla: Hope you won’t mind this nickname. But I am amazed that he actually had the mood to insult my complexion 5 minute before the commence of bio paper 3. But well, he is a very responsible welfare rep, even though he sometimes produced belated class birthday presents.
24. Doctor tAng: Still remember how he pronounced his surname when clarifying with some tutor neh. So farnie. He did his CT rep job so well, that we once thought he is irreplaceable (But now we know he isn’t, since there’s an ereneh). Thanks for taking up the formidable task of bringing the class together.
25. Ereneh: She is one of my greatest regrets in JC. Really wish I could know her better. But well, at least I know that there is this nice person existing on earth. She always works silently behind the scene to ensure that the class gels together. Great job!
Any comment about the last artist who's left out here? Leave your comments!
Anyway, from my prom pics,go http://cloudlander.blogs.friendster.com/photos/promnite/
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Detached


Finally, after long hours of cramming in the car with my belongings, I reached home. Along the trip, many things entered and left my mind. Many future plans were considered. And I just realised how lost I am, and how many things I yet not know about Malaysia, or my hometown. I want to find a job, but what job am I going to get? to be a little cashier? a waitress? or what? I can't be a teacher, since I have lost touch with Malaysian education system. So that means I can't be a tuition teacher too. How can I be a government officer, albeit a little one, when my Malay standard is only of Form 1 standard? Or worse? I just realised that for the past six years, my home was more like a place for me to rest and relax, since I only go home during holidays. Now, to think that I have to re-decorate my which was long conquered by my brothers, I feel daunted. I don't know why. But I just feel very lost. That's the price I have to pay, after leaving the place for such a long time. Fortunately I haven't lost touch with my friends, at least I can still have my own social circle.
May be that is why I am back for. To get back in touch with the society, to get myself involved in the community. To bridge back the differences. To allow gene flow. Ok. Not funny.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Was walking back with Yun Li today from Orchard. A shopping we promised ourselves after our written test. Written test was fun. 7 essay questions to answer in one hour. Are you nuts? Haha... But well, it's over.
Somehow I was very dislodged from the shopping. Sorry Yun Li...
May be it's because of the notion that it's my last day in Singapore already.
I can't say I hate Singapore.
After all the memories it provided me.
While we walk to the backstreets of Orchard to take bus back,
A leaf falls.
Will you miss me when you see it?
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Packing my Emotion


Just finished packing my room. Should be quite skillful in doing it already, since I have to do it at least once a year for the past six years. But somehow, I always have to conjure up enormous courage to start packing everything into boxes, and ditch away all things that I can't bring along with me. Packing is easy, but packing my emotion is difficult. Everything I possess has some relation to my memory, my history. How can I just chuck away them without feeling a sense of loss? Why can't I keep everything I want to keep? Facing all my stuff which are in place perfectly, I am really at a loss. To cramp all of them in boxes, separating the important from the non-important. How am I supposed to rank my memory? How am I supposed to just cut off my connection from my memory? I don't want. I really don't want. I am longing for a permanent home. A place which I don't need to re-arrange all my things once every year. A place which I don't need to suffer emotional torment by packing all my belongings. Packing gives you a sense of abandonment. A clear cut that "this is the end of this journey". A signal that tells you "you belong to nowhere".
Longing.....
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Weird People

I am placed in a familiar environment but am surrounded by strangers. Very weird strangers. Who shout and scream in the computer room as if they are the only occupants. Who mumble to the computer screen and laugh at himself. Who study day and night long like there's As tomorrow when they are just bridging scholars to enter sec 3. Who speak like, or try to speak like Americans when their English vocabulary is as limited as the gene pool of Cheetah. Who stare at your computer screen intensely without being care if you are uncomfortable. Who plug off the internet cable from you computer without guilt even when you are using it. Who do not understand why Chinese in the non-China region have to learn Chinese. Who view all Malaysians as terrorists just because majority of the citizens are Muslims. Who think that the entire world revolve only around them.
I don't know why there is such a huge cultural difference. I have stayed with them for 4 years but am still totally not used to it. Every year there will be a new batch coming. Each with different habits, but they all bear the same trademark:"beyond understanding".
Gosh. There are four of them around me now. One banging his fingers on the keyboard so hard that my computer screen is shuddering. No wonder the computers here are always spoilt. The other one emitting funny noise that I believe is laughter right behind my ears. I don't know you sir. The other one keeps giving commands and commentaries when his friends are obviously more interested in the game than his words. The last one is helping himself on the keyboard as if the rate of it being destroyed is not fast enough.
Darn. This is one reason why I am reluctant to study in Singapore because it is progressively being conquered by these funny people. You hear them anywhere, you see them anywhere. You even smell them anywhere.
The person who can't accept new phenomenon will not survive. This is the rule of evolution. I shall be kicked out of the world race soon. But at least I maintained my own integrity and preception.
I shall depart now. The smell is suffocating me.
Please
0 rustlings

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Closure of JC Chapter


Strangely after my last paper, I felt ultra lost. After reaching my room, I just opened my windows, and stared into the blue dusk sky, not knowing what to do. It didn't feel like it's the beginning of fun, but the ending of things that we have been striving so hard for, for the past two years. All the notes that once meant so much to us are just papers to be recycled. Study table useless. School bag only to be converted to travel bag. A surge of loneliness and depression flooded me, and I just sank into it helplessly, unable to get out, didn't want to leave that torturous emotion either.
JC life has definitely altered my attitude, my life and my view towards Singapore. I am really fortunate to be in this class. Guess most of us would feel this way too. Things were rocky initially, with so many odd people like me. We have cliques, some of us were left outside the social circle, we bitched about each other. But in J2, things got miraculously better. All of us found a niche in the class, and our lifestyle was influenced by everybody. We were willingly influenced. Like following the claps, speaking in funny accent... I must admit that other class may not be able to accept a radical person like me. So I am eternally grateful to be in this class. Somehow, we just fall into places so perfectly. There are very few classes which can be like us. After the class chalet, we had nothing to do, but just didn't want to part. So we lingered about the shopping centre aimlessly. But that was fun.
I shall miss all these moments because I can never re-live them. I shall store them in the safest software in my memory because they are just so precious to me. It is really the most memorable part of my life. Seldom can I find so many talkable classmates. All of us are special in the class in our own way, and without any of us, the jigsaw of 04S73 would never be complete.
04S73, may us never part. May we always have gatherings. May the influence of the adult world never pollute our friendships and relationships. May......
I love you all...
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Live
~ wan xin
* a feel
* a soul
* a mind
* an emotion
* an inspiration

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我的語言
- 土生土長的華人
- 學校教了我英文和馬來文
- 環境教了我福建話
- 電視劇教了我廣東話
- 大學和喀麥隆教了我法語
- 在一個早上接觸了手語
- 最後一學期一口氣學了日語和西班牙語

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