Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Packing my Emotion


Just finished packing my room. Should be quite skillful in doing it already, since I have to do it at least once a year for the past six years. But somehow, I always have to conjure up enormous courage to start packing everything into boxes, and ditch away all things that I can't bring along with me. Packing is easy, but packing my emotion is difficult. Everything I possess has some relation to my memory, my history. How can I just chuck away them without feeling a sense of loss? Why can't I keep everything I want to keep? Facing all my stuff which are in place perfectly, I am really at a loss. To cramp all of them in boxes, separating the important from the non-important. How am I supposed to rank my memory? How am I supposed to just cut off my connection from my memory? I don't want. I really don't want. I am longing for a permanent home. A place which I don't need to re-arrange all my things once every year. A place which I don't need to suffer emotional torment by packing all my belongings. Packing gives you a sense of abandonment. A clear cut that "this is the end of this journey". A signal that tells you "you belong to nowhere".
Longing.....

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