Saturday, March 31, 2007

Rest in peace

I just came back from Ms Deborah Wee's wake. She committed suicide on 26th March 2007. She hasn't even turned 22 yet.

Death is distressing. It's sad to hear how her friends and boyfriend spoke fondly about her. It's sad to see her lying there peacefully. She is still so young and there's so much more waiting for her. I know we can't help but to ask why and how. But the truth only lies with her. Speculation is unhelpful and it only hurts. No matter what, Miss Wee, rest in peace. You are well remembered by us. Wherever you are now, hope that you are happy and free of worries.

People, please treasure you life and treasure it well. It is precious. Some others may have choose to forfeit their right to live, and give up all the possibilities that can happen in life. You shouldn't. If you don't understand life, live it to understand it; if you understand life, live it to enjoy it. There is absolutely no reason to give up life. Absolutely no. If you have one, you have to continue living to understand why that is NOT a reason. Anytime when you think you need help, please call out. Don't keep it within. We are in a society, and by society it means it's NORMAL for people to help each other. Reach out.

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Friday, March 30, 2007

New found mugger team

LWN Level 4 Table 11.
Mr. 和 Mrs. J 的打情骂俏



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Thursday, March 29, 2007

总之 今天很好玩


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Meeting with my AP director. It was awesome!

If action causes less regret than inaction, I see what it means today. Deciding to go meet Ryan Sheppard (the Asia Pacific Director for AIESEC) was a decision that I will be grateful about. It came as one of the most inspiring talks I have had so far. He shared with us so much that I wish my memory could be better so that I can remember everything he said.
Things I have learnt:
  • When you are riding on a bicycle and you see a stone on the road, you look at it and keep telling yourself 'Don't hit the stone, don't hit the stone!' You will hit it eventually. Why? Your focus on the ston was directing you there. But if you choose to focus in the path you wish to take, you will get there eventually. So when things go wrong, don't JUST look at what is wrong. Focus on what you have done right. I don't mean you just ignore the wrong, but just, never lose sight of what you have done right. The focus on doing things right will help the wrongs to fade. To take it the personal level, don't just look at how to diminish your weaknesses. Focus on how to develop your strength. Your strengths will put off your weaknesses eventually. And why should you focus on your strengths? Because it is so much easier to be yourself than be who you are not!

  • What comes out at the end of the discussion is the best that you can have. Don't hold on to your expectation. It will cause you to lose sight of the other possibilities, which are great too!
  • Keep your eventual goal in mind. There may be a lot of ways to get there, but you should reach there eventually. Not lose track.

  • As you get older, the high time will get higher, the low time lower. Understand that, come to terms with that, so that you won't get too emotionally affected by the low times. And whatever you do, the low times will always come. But if you quit at the toughest time, you may never be able to see the higher time which is oh-so-rewarding! Remember, the low time is there only to complement your high time.

  • It'll start when it'll start. Don't force things happen, don't force people to speak.

  • Disagreement is always there. Understand this as the normal phenomenon. Talk things out, smooth things the peaceful way.

  • Finally, as part of the EB (executive board), you may have a lot of things you wanna do. But given your time and energy, if you set too many goals, eventually you can only do a bit of everything. Set few goals, and stick to it, and do a lot to them.

I felt that these are not all! I know I heard many many more. But sadly, I couldn't recall. *Urgh* Memory decay due to ineffective encoding. I must learn better information encoding technique to enhance my learning.

But, I must feel grateful to my eventual decision, more grateful that Ryan came down to NTU to shine some light to prepare me better before I embark on my EB life. During the session, there were moments of silence, but that's only because we were busy digesting his words! It was a really good talk. I'm lovin' it. EB path doesn't seem easier now, but I am more prepared.

Come what may.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

While eating dinner with 3ers today, we came up with a lot of ideas for post-exam!
  1. K box
  2. Food trail
  3. Movie in cinema outing
  4. Movie on laptop gathering
  5. Redang/Batam trip!

I would be happy if we can complete half of them. Actually after finish typing the previous line, I look at the list up there and I think about the time we will have during the holidays. And I don't see why we can't complete them. Yet the realistic side of me stops me from being too idealisitc.

Freud's theory of id and superego at work.

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Nostalgia... again

This time it goes further back... all the way back to SCGS.

It was all conjured up thanks to reading at sherene's blog, one of my best roomie ever. I realise I had very good roomies in secondary schools. Yun Ru, Sherene, April. All of whom I really treasure.

SC. It's a place I didn't take up much responsibilities. It's a place I didn't make many friends. Most of my friends came from the scholars group then. Even during prom night, we sat with scholars. Don't call us elitist, we just feel more comfortable with each other somehow. SC was even the place where I faced discrimination from friends and teachers, but, it's still a memorable place.

I love the building. JY and erene once commented that SC looks old as compared to Nanyang. While I agree with that, I choose to look at them as signs of liveliness. I like the pearly white spiral staircase, where I absolutely don't mind climbing up everyday to reach staff room, labs or classrooms. I love the french windows, where it faces rustic greenery. I love the way school takes care of us. Every teacher calls us 'girls' affectionately (like what Sherene says,'unlike the professor now who doesn't even call us'). Classroom has strictly no aircons, though SC is rich. Because air con is bad for skin. No fries in the canteen, though the canteen aunties still sell them secretly. Because it contains too much oil. Nonetheless, classroom is always airy and bright, due to the high ceiling and the good ventilation. Meepok still taste fantastic and it's one of my memorable food now. (why doesn't NTU have it?!!) I heard that meepok uncle has passed away. The tailor Nancy too. And Miss Ma has stopped teaching. Miss Heng has retired. Even though I have graduated from it for quite some time, even though I thought I could let this piece of memory rest peacefully at the bottom of my heart, it can just be conjured up so easily. By a post, by a news, by a word - 'girl'.

I still remember the cosy library, where I will try to study but always end up sleeping. I still remember the comp lab at level 2, where I once diligently prepare my slides about SC for computer studies. even though no points were counted. I still remember shopping with Mrs. Lee for furnitures in the scholars' room, where nobody really used it eventually. I miss the eco pond, where I will sit there in the evening to de-stress. I miss the squash court. It's my little haven during recess time when I got burned out. I love the school song. It's the only school song that I sing it sincerely every morning without grumble. I love the PE sessions where we got to choose what we want to do (in sec 4 to de-stress). I just realised, everything boils down to, I love the culture. I love the way we are pampered.

You can say that I am just dependent. Yes I am not disagreeing with that. Sometimes I really hope that those childhood companions can just be here, right here when I feel lost and helpless. And when I say childhood it isn't a memory too faraway. It's about my sec sch frens my jc frens.

Perhaps it is just my nonnormative life events. I don't grow up with my family. And that makes me feel really insecure. I haven't had a good emotional base before I stepped out. The emptiness of emotions was masked by the new-found independence and luring opportunities. I lost myself and didn't realise that. I never realised that I haven't been equipped with the right skills before I was forced to grown up. You may say I look well-adapted, you may say I look as if I can mix with people well. But deep down inside, I know I haven't been able to handled myself well. I can always feel this sense of inadequacy in me, yet unable to name it. And every now and then, when stress comes up, when friends are not anywhere near, my inadequcy will be exposed, consuming me up again and again.

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Monday, March 26, 2007

昨天去了乌节路,突然觉得一切都好陌生。地铁站的黑色大理石,是乌节路的标志。可是我却好像未曾看过。也许太习惯看露天的地铁站了。站在乌节路的地下铁站,我仿佛身在异国。以前最熟悉的地方,现在仿佛是初次经历。陌生。陌生。看到地下道的盲眼音乐家才发现我已忘了他。最后一次来乌节也是为了同样的原因,见miss pow,可是却是去年的事。南大太远,在星球的另一端,把我和过去狠狠地撕开。站在星球的这一段,有的,就只有陌生和挑战。等到我已熟悉了陌生,以往的熟悉,已离我好远好远。
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Friday, March 23, 2007

73 blogs are getting nostalgic.. and we start missing each other.
Guess it's just stress. Defence mechanism at work - regression. We seek comfort in the familiarity of earlier environment when the current one is too stressful.
Felt so happy when see pow jy and yiwen's tags today! We are still connected! And I am happy with princess day for erene's birthday celebration. It's the first time for me to get out for NTU since recess week, which is like a month ago?! Felt very touched when I got up the bus. And my date with pow will be on Saturday! Yay something worth looking forward to.
And I am looking forward to class chalet. Let's go batam! :D
I will strive to self-motivate instead of self-mutilate. Mentally.
I will be better... wait for me *winks*

Princess Day! Wan Xin's definition - the day when the girl-in-focus enjoys great treatment from her friends!

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Perhaps this is just life. Sympathy has its limits too.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I know I have been relatively lost recently. Or rather, I haven't been too emotionally stable since the end of last year. No pain, no gain. But with greater gains, there come greater pain. This is probably true. In university, I can see that my learning curve is steeper. I am learning so much about everything every second. But I am also more lost. Perhaps this is just the process. It is just the tiring track though the thorny bushes before you reach the summit to enjoy the beautiful scenery.

I will always keep this beautiful optimism in my heart.

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It feels good to know that you are not forgotten by your friends, especially those who are dear to you. It feels good to know that such dear friends are still concern about your life. And it feels good to get updated about their life now.

Pow I miss 73 as well. No matter how much I have moved on with life, a part of me still wish to be with you all. We need to spend more time together, not just once in a blue moon gathering. I love small talks, big talks, some occasional crapping sessions.

I tried to sleep early last night. Yes I went to bed at 10pm happily. But at 2am, I was woken up by footsteps outside. And I couldn't get back to sleep anymore. Realised that I was woken up by fear. Fear of people attacking me when I am sleeping. Probably that is the root reason behind all my sleeping problems. Staying overseas since young has its training to make you independent (though I don't think I am well-trained in it. I am still so hopelessly dependent), but it adds on to the feeling of insecurity as well. Especially when you have had nasty roommates in the past who gossiped about you so loudly that woke you up, who peeped at your handphone and critised at it.

I wrote an essay last semester about my sleeping problems. Initially I thought what I wrote were reasonable causes, then I thought they are just excuses. But today, after this abrupt wake-up, I began to believe once again that my causes are not unfounded. Haish.. may be I shall seek professional help from psychologists or counsellors, to let them earn money with a wish that people will do so to me in the future.

Well, this was what I wrote for my assignment:

Sleeping – enjoyment for the sleepy, misery for the insomniac. [Balanced Pair]
Unfortunately, I belong to the latter. At the mere age of seven, I was already sleeping after 12am, though I was on bed since 10pm. I could not fall asleep, spending hours on bed letting the mind run wild, grumbling that the weather was too warm, my bed was too soft, wondering if tigers and crocodiles were going to come out from below my bed to eat me up. [Cumulative Sentence]
The problem only worsens with age. Even if I am exhausted, I always hear a silent voice within me, instructing me to keep off the bed, commanding me to do anything and everything, except sleep. I wonder if I have a subconscious fear for sleeping. May be it was the nightmarish childhood incident of falling off from the bed that compels me to stay away from bed for as long as I can. In the recent years, feeling unsecured staying in hostel has only intensified my fear. Nonetheless, understanding that sleeping not only regularly, but also at the correct time is essential to ensure good health and optimal performance, I cannot afford to continue living with this fear. [Periodic Sentence] I will battle against my past experiences. I may have lost, but I will not continue losing. The never-say-die spirit is what defines homo sapiens as the better species. Never shall we be complacent with the current situation, shy away from challenges, or surrender to fate. [Serial Construction] This is human. This is me. I will emerge a better me.

I am not sure if I am still that optimistic now, though there is always a silent voice deep inside that tells me I can make it! Should I stay determined. The main thing to beating any bad habits is that I must be willing to commit for the change. The problem now is that sometimes I myself is unwilling to sleep early, for god knows what reason. I need to be more disciplined. And I need to be faithful to my resolution.

Read this articles on Financial Times yesterday that more and more of us now are becoming crazybusy - being occupied with so many random demands that we lose sight of the things that matter. This is especially true everytime I on my laptop. I will be carried away by youtube, by friendster, by my library of pictures, by chats, and any other random websites that attracts me momentarily. I always end up having nothing done. Yes I need more discipline. Exams are coming up.

However, on the larger picture, I am not quite sure if I am losing sight of the things that matter. I am packed now with AIESEC, with orientation camp planning, with AIDS event, with the desire to widen my knowledge of the world. I am not sure if these are really the priorities in my life. Or rather, if the activities I am engaging in now will help me attain my goals in life. May be at the end of the day, they are nothing but distractants. Yin How told me this when I told him that I am losing control of things and I am still trying to make sense out of them, 'Don't try too hard. Sometimes life doesn't make sense.' I am still thinking about the truth in this sentence. Now I think it's true. But I am not sure if it is really true. It's just my perception. May be it is right, but it may be wrong.

My friends say that I am thinking too much. And I think they are right. But I won't stop thinking, because jy says 'thinking makes you smarter' and I agree. Or rather, I can't stop thinking because I can't help it.

The end of my random post.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Missing the new year

Finally I have my CNY pictures uploaded. And that's what procrastination makes one person become.
Finally the family picture that we have long for.

Reunion dinner and our home traditional steamboat.

Well-wishes session. It's the time when every member will have to wish everyone with the offering of one piece of food. Something we invented. And imagine doing that with 8 people. looonnnnggggggg session!

Primary 6 class gathering as promised every year! Realise new year is about doing something traditional. Interesting huh. But I totally don't mind. I love my p6 class!

Buddha in Flower at Dong Zen Temple aka 东禅寺. It's the largest temple in Malaysia and is extravagant in its decoration for Chinese New Year. But this does help to spread true buddhism in Malaysia, I hope.

大雄宝殿. Where I refresh my memory on how to do proper 礼佛三拜.

Lantern of wishes.

A tower made just for this event. The interior is empty, with a machine to lift people up to the highest floor for sight see.

Zen in life.
It is about wanting little and focusing on these little things, not being distracted.

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

What are the nicknames?

Finally freed on weekend, I took a peek at what my friends are writing in their MSN nicknames:
  • I accidentally deleted all my contacts in the phone.... what should i do now??
  • The World Hates ME
  • everything is in vain
  • our end is near
  • you'll be attended shortly
  • i noe our story will continue always
  • gimme blackbul's deedddddddd!!! and all other desired weapon drops
  • SCREAMS!!! lab reports, quizzes and EXAMS, are the bane of my very EXISTENCE
  • lipids, glycerol, fatty acids, cholesterol, trigylcerides
  • people with bad attitude should just perish
  • 'wiki' wins a place in Oxford Eng Dictionary
  • Being totally honest with oneself is a good exercise
  • last night i dreamt of marshmallow buffet, and i found my pillow missing when i woke up
  • when will my nose come back to me?
  • Cannot oso must can
  • chance to be GHOST! Don't miss the fun ya
  • 最近怎么吃都不饱,是的是的,我的胃是个无底洞
  • SAs needed for MSA FOC! Anyone interested nudge me on MSN or SMS me!
  • laparnya...
  • HW111(almost done!),HP202(just began!),HP203(2/3 done),HP200(DONE)
  • 朋友,只是一个不停旋转的circle..也许,我只是他们眼中一颗微不足道的微尘罢了。
  • whoever interested to go kayaking on 17 mar come find me!
  • any penang guy want to buy rm80 ticket to go home?
  • 我要发奋!
  • i'm tired, i'm sleepy, i'm hungry and i'm STRESSED....
  • Learning to take things lightly, tmr will be a better day.. (i hope)
  • where the stars are never blind
  • I know why FYP kills
  • weddings are stressful
  • AIESEC UM Appreciation Night 2007 - ticket at RM65, Dynasty Hotel Grand Ballroom 17th March 2007 Saturday
  • Join me in the AIESEC Middle East project OC!!!
  • im in deep shit now
  • I miss The Ripples
  • Xpro preparation - Let's contribute to the GN plan!!!
  • anyone has camping mat?
  • a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty

Basically, you can see that nickname serves the following functions:

  • declare something that happen in life
  • hint something that's happening in your life
  • report a news
  • publicise a news
  • convey an attitude
  • publish your philosophy
  • show your poetic side
  • be funny
  • any other random intention


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Smile that things have happened, not that they have gone.

Thanks friends.. For all the encouragements that you showered me during my dark times. I will come out of the tunnel as a better person.. :)
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Thursday, March 15, 2007

It's yet another 5am. Don't know what is happening to me. I don't understand why this sudden arrival of down times, given no visible triggering moments. I try to look into my genes, I try to look into my history. Nothing gave me a clue as to the situation I have landed in. It definitely doesn't look like another normal down times. In the past, I can consciously allow myself to indulge in being sentimental and emotional, but now, I don't know what is happening. I am not taking the lead anymore. I am being led around blindly by my mental rhythm. I am losing control. I don't feel like eating I don't feel like smiling I don't feel like jogging I don't feel like sleeping I don't feel like waking up I don't feel like doing work. Shit this isn't good. Especially during such crucial moments. I need strength I need discipline I need regularities. When are you guys ever arriving? Yesterday before I slept some evil thoughts actually landed in my brain. I got so scared that I started sobbing. I will never let you pass through. This is my last line of defence. Never. I still love life. I still want to see the meaning of life. Thou shall not pass.
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I am just tired. And hope is 46 days away. I shall drag on, with whatever energy remained. Don't scold me if I am looking tired, don't scold me if I am skipping lessons, don't scold me if my lifestyle isn't changing for the better. It's not that I am not trying to, it's that my spirit is so low that I am losing self-control, that I am allowing myself to make up excuses for all my imperfections, that I am even allowing others to help me come up with excuses to ease my dissonance.
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Midnight thoughts

I accidentally went pass sleeping hours again. And the questions in my psy survey for my tutor is still fresh in my mind.

Question: Do you have friends?
Following question: Do you have friends to turn to?

I couldn't put down the same rating ('always', sometimes', 'rarely', 'not at all') for both questions. I started reflecting, when I am down, when I am depressed, who do I turn to? I tried to look down my msn list for friends whom I can pour to, and I couldn't locate one. I wanted to go for a talk tomorrow about Lessons from the Himalayans. I looked down the list to see who I can ask to go together, none. May be I am just too cautious. I didn't dare to trouble my friends, or ask them to do anything that may exceed the limitations for our kind of friendship. It seems like as I progress with uni, my msn list is getting longer, my phone contacts are getting fuller, but I ain't getting more friends. Many are just in the list because I have to contact them for official purposes. For new friends, I keep thinking that we are together because of functions, not because of friendship; for old friends, each have their own life too, and I didn't dare to disturb them. I can't blame them for not being able to be there for me, cuz I am always not available to them to. I would rather not tell anyone, because I wouldn't want to elaborate laboriously how what where who why I feel like this. So I wouldn't even know how to convey my down moments to my friends. If you are there, I just wish you to be beside me, to be present there, to accompany me. Words need not be exchanged. It's the company that counts. But I am not confident of how many are willing to do so, that's why I choose to remain silent, and turn everything inwards. But deep down inside, I still wish to look for one whom I can confide in, who will be there,

for me.

Just allow me to ramble. Can I just say that I feel really really lonely? Can I just say that I really really need someone to be there for me? Can I just say that I am not adapting well to this kinda life? Can I just say that I am lost? Friends, I miss you all. I miss the time when we can sit together by the staircase to chat till late in the night, not like now me alone singing to the blazing computer screen. I miss the time when I can cry on your shoulder, not like now tearing alone. I miss the time when we study together, encourage each other, not like now having lone battle. I miss the time when we have breakfast lunch dinner together, not like now skipping meals just to avoid lonely meals, or crouch on my seat to eat alone. I miss the time when activity friends mean friends sincerely, and not stay as official friends. I try to break the boundary, but I am still timid. I may seem very extroverted, but deep down I am still hesitant about making the first step. I am one that needs a lot of friendship, but now the problem is I know a lot of people, not a lot of friends. I may be able to say hi to 10 people while walking from south spine to north spine, yet unable to find one soul in the world to confide with. People may say that I am too dependent on others, and I should have a life of my own, be more independent. Yes I am trying, and it is not working well. I can't multi-task. I can't be the depressed and at the same time the counsellor the shoulder and the understanding friend. I am just a normal normal person, no matter how strong, how cheerful, how crappy I seem to be on the outside. I am weak, I am vulnerable, and I need help. I don't want life to be that everytime I am sad the only thing I can turn to is blog. I miss the cohesive hostel life in cjch, I miss the cohesive class in Hwa Chong. I miss Sherene I miss Yun Ru I miss Chui Fen I miss Yi Juin I miss Jackline I miss Marita I miss Yessica I miss Fong Chi I miss Chen Hui I miss San San I miss Wui Jia I miss Ming Hui I miss Teik Zhen I miss Handy I miss Janice I miss Yun Li I miss Hoo hoo I miss pow I miss Ereneh I miss jy I miss yuan yi I miss Xin Yu I miss Yiwen I miss Set I miss Choon Siang I miss Jaspar I miss my family I miss you all where are you all... Time flies and it is the greatest dilutant to friendship. I know that it is not diluted but just pulled apart by distance and the interference of our own world. I should come to the realisation of it. And together with realisation should come acceptance and adaptation. The final two are just absent for now and probably explain the torment I am in. But deep in my heart I don't want to accept I don't want to adapt I don't want to grow up to be the adult that I despise of. I know I am childish to think like that. So be it. I am childish and I don't care what you think. Why must I pretend that I have grown up when I haven't? Why must I grow up when I don't want to? Why must I conform? Why must I comply? Can I just live it the way I want it be? Is being childish that bad? Is there no one on earth who is willing to be my friend anymore? Just let me ramble and I will be fine I promise. When sun shines and so will I.

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Your Brain is Blue
Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow.You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles.Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are.
You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.
What Color Is Your Brain?


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Sunday, March 11, 2007

NTU Open House rocks with @!

Yay today was NTU Open House! And I was down with AIESEC (and to a smaller extent, I also had a dance performance for Hall). Initially I was a little hesitant about it, since I was told about this task pretty last minute (we were given only 4-day notice and have to come up with decoration, dance practice and presentation style! The worse thing was that they made it compulsory for main comm applicants.

However, it turned out really well! We had fun wearing hats from different countries kindly lent by Dei. Initially I didn't know why I was afraid to approach anyone to start introducing AIESEC. Perhaps it was due to my innate shyness. But after a few screwed up warm ups, I started to get the hang of it then began to be able to crap well. And as I talked to more and more people, you learn how to summarise your points better, to talk in a more organised manner. :) And the dances were fun! We entertained others by entertaining ourselves! What other SS (shiok sendiri - self-entertain) things did we do?

1. Cheer during lucky draw even though we didn't know who won the prize.

2. Wave when people were singing up on the stage.

3. Shouted 'Hey AIESEC! What do you think?' and answered 'Xcellent!' after a group of bravo trio performed their excellent rap!

I wondered how much information people we talked to bring back, and how many of them remembered us. But hopefully, they have a vague idea of the existence of a crazy organisation that does serious stuff.

The night before. Internationalism of AIESEC: (clockwise from angmoh) René from Germany, Hazel from Kenya, Wira from Indonesia, Jun Ming from Singapore, Xie Wei from China and Wan Xin from Malaysia!

Cultural exchange at work. The poster says: Are you meeting requirements or are you setting standards? And 'die' in German means 'the'!

The poster that tells you how grand is AIESEC.

Ready to get crazy!

Fighting with the jamband on stage which is right beside our booth. That left me with a mouth ulcer!

Hat from Kazakhstan! The chiobu behind me is the president for NTU AIESEC.

Me and Anubhav another main comm applicant.

China hat! It's actually the chinese vampire hat.

Sharing is caring... Wan Xin at work. Do you understand me?

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

So I've been tagged by Janice. Though I have done the same thing before, never mind I will just do it to entertain her. Oink~

This is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game..Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves.People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

Here we go, 6 weird things:

1. I have weird sleeping hours. Sometimes I may sleep at 8pm but most of the time I sleep at 3-4am or even 5 ot 6am! And consider the fact that my roommate sleeps at 10pm and wake up at 5am. I feel so irregular when compare with her..

2. I like to gaze at moon at clouds at sunrise sunset at greenery at trees at flowers at stars and I can do so for hours. And all these started during Sec 2 when we have to do presentation on weird hobbies. My classmates introduced the idea of cloud-gazing. That inspired me to gaze at clouds and slowly this habit gets generalised to other nature things as well. I have a wild dream to lie at beach and gaze at the stars all night long with my loved one. Or friends. Then we can chat there and have time with each other throughout the night.

3. I am very conventional with food, like I will only eat ba chor mee (minced pork noodle) at (any) hawker centres. And at canteen, once I locate a dish that I like, I can eat it for the rest of my stay in school. In secondary school it was meepok. In JC it was yong tau foo. In uni now is mee sua. And even for yong tau foo, I will eat the same items. 4. I have this habit of exhausting every bit of my energy by working overtime and depriving my sleep, by sometimes not sleeping at all. Then after that I will just collapse and sleep for very long, like 12-15 hours, to pay back the sleep debt. And the worse thing is that I think it's normal to sleep for that long.

5. I cannot bear to tell people that 'I like you'.

6. I can watch the same movie/tv programme/drama series for many times repeatedly even though I can even predict what the next line is. I watched death note 4 times, 天下无贼 5 times, 向左走向右走 countless times, 流星花园、金枝玉孽、冲上云霄 4 times. And I normally only buy vcds/dvd after I watch them in cinemas, and I will still watch them over and over again. Seems like I am a very obsessive and compulsive person.

people i tagged:1. meisheng
2. yunli
3. cheryl
4. ereneh
5. chrystella
6. janice


0 rustlings

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Breathing life

After my tutorial, I walked back as I was too lazy to wait for the bus. Somehow, I was stunned by the rustic views of the normal route. The grass were green, the trunks were brown, the roads were peaceful. It's rare that we can have a modern life yet surrounded by forest-like greenery.

And now when I am typing, I am bathing in moonlight which is shining right outside my windows.


I will learn to treasure things around me. I will learn to be more mindful about miracles that are already happening to me. Having the chance to receive higher education is a bliss, having the opportunities to organise meaningful activities is a bliss, knowing great people through activities is a bliss, able to keep in touch with old friends is a bliss, having great roommate is a bliss, able to walk safely in the middle of the night is a bliss, able to sleep peacefully at night is a bliss, able to enjoy sunshine is a bliss, able to see moonlight is a bliss.

Able to know what my weaknesses is a bliss, able to observe great things around me is a bliss, able to treasure them is the greatest bliss of all!

0 rustlings

Tuesday, March 06, 2007





0 rustlings

~ wan xin
* a feel
* a soul
* a mind
* an emotion
* an inspiration

+ 13071986
+ Blue
+ Cancer
+ Buddhist
+ Malaysian
+ Psychology NTU
+ Hwa Chong 04S73
+ Choong Hua

- 土生土長的華人
- 學校教了我英文和馬來文
- 環境教了我福建話
- 電視劇教了我廣東話
- 大學和喀麥隆教了我法語
- 在一個早上接觸了手語
- 最後一學期一口氣學了日語和西班牙語


My whenabouts at my whereabout


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