Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I like my job. It's not a fantastic job at all, and the company isn't all fantastic. But it's a non-fantastic job in a non-fantastic company that gives you the strength and motivation to find meaning in everything you do, no matter how frivolous it may seem to be. It's in such situation that I understand how self-motivation works. Though the thought about quitting flashes across my mind often, I am more determined to not let situation change me. I will still learn in an environment with seemingly less steep learning curve. If I am capable of bigger tasks, it means that I should be able to do smaller tasks better. So I will strive on that. I want to live meaningful through work.

I like my current situation as well. It's totally un-fantastic situation that no one will dream for it. But since it has already landed in my life, I might as well treasure this experience. I will learn to not ask for help, but try to live with whatever I have. I believe it will be memorable. Perhaps in the future if I ever become famous and admired, I can write a memoir with this chapter of my life included. :)

Come what may.

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Monday, May 28, 2007


姐姐回了


灰了一整天的天空 终于


滴下了泪


房间里


两双拖鞋 四个枕头


一个人


我想我可以习惯以个人生活


天空很蓝吗?


我已不确定了

4 rustlings

Monday, May 21, 2007

These few days

What's next when you are left unguided? Somehow I feel that this symbolises our transition into Uni lift.



出世。入世。

If only there's such a measure to tell us what our unpredictable heart is doing.

Rare clean up scene.

Beautiful colours, stunning rays and shining waves.

Cute water drops.

Just like this extraordinary cute way of charging for parking.

And cute way of taking pictures.

Bottle advertisement. Which one do you like better? I mean bottle. :p

Can someone explain to me why do we keep dipping our feet in water?

Stay strong and stay connected.

Stay together with diversity.

Act cute for all you wish.

I love you.

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

Been East Coast Park 3 times in 2 weeks. For a person who stays at the very west end, I think this is mad. But I may be going again next week. All for personal leisure. Hmmph..

But still, I love kayaking. And I shall blade again when it's NOT a Saturday.

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Saturday, May 19, 2007

最美的时光


是你躺在舟上,摇晃在蓝蓝的海中央,听着海的心跳,随海所欲,随着海的高而高,随着海的低而低。

靠近沙滩时,海浪声是响亮的。在海中央时,一切是静谧的。被琐事紧紧纠缠时,视野常会因此被局限。如果能跳出身旁的琐事,看一看世界,你会发现,除了琐事,还有一大片一大片的海,和一大片一大片的天空。他们都是美的,都是在等着你静下心来欣赏他们。

The prettiest time, is when you relax on the canoe in the middle of the sea and listen to the heartbeat of the sea, when you follow the rhythm of the sea, its pulses of highs and lows.

The waves are loud when you are near the shore. But when you are in the middle of the sea, what you hear is serenity. Nothing restricts you. The waves unheard. If you allow your focus to not be on the daily chores, you will be able to see the beautiful larger picture beyond your daily life. The sea is vast and the sky unlimited. They are all awaiting you to notice their beauty. The peace.

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Friday, May 18, 2007

看图说故事


每个路人都会在沙滩上留下脚印。有的浅,有的则深。

我希望你能留下一个深刻的脚印。

有些人的脚步是一起开始,但却未能一起走向未来。有些人是从不同的道路上不期而遇,从而继续一起走下去。

你会是哪一个脚步?

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Where I am, where I am heading




"mayb u should spare like 30 minutes to do some reflection...."

That was what SY told me to do today.

Yeah he's right. The experience I received this semester was so intense and varied. I greeted one welcome, greeted the next one welcome before saying farewell to the previous one. Cool nice awesome experience kept flooding in and now I found myself in a loss trying to make sense of everything. To modify a quote from Miss Ho in her AIDS presentation, 'where am I? Where am I heading?'

"no point keep on absorbing and not do reflection on what u have done..."

Well said indeed.

I need a time amidst everything to settle down, and consolidate all my experience, to know what I have learnt, how my interests have changed, what I am lacking in and needs improvement, what opportunities lie ahead of me that I want to grab, what do I want to learn in the coming academic year.

I need to know what I want badly, what I need to let go to compromise, and to draw up a strategy map, should I decide to let myself over-involve again.

But before that, I need to get things in my mind clearer. It's like a library which has just purchased ten shelves of books of all variety, all sprawling on the floor, at the same time toppled the existing shelves of books. I need to be that librarian. Have the patience and determination to rearrange them. It will be tough, but it will be cool.

Dear Celine, sorry for not able to come up with my learning plan now. I will update you once I do my spring cleaning.

But right now, welcome to Singapore, dear sis!

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Courage


I am seeing lotsa examples where people dare to dream big and fly high.

I'm seeing Dee and Dei going to Ukraine and Russia for exchange, I'm seeing Celine set her path wild but made it, I'm seeing Han Ling and Jun Ming flying off to Russia for internships.

I do have big dreams. But like most others, I just continue dreaming. I enjoy sinking into the fantasy world of endless possibilities, thought I know at the back of my mind that it's only fantasy.

Now in AIESEC, I'm seeing how people can transform dreams into realities. How people actualise their dreams.

Now I'm not afraid of dreaming. I know dreams do come true and it's not fairy tale.

But somehow there's still this inertia in me. Somehow I'm still reluctant to step out to actualise my dreams. Like, am I going to apply for exchange? am I going to try becoming a facilitator for conference? These are the little dreams I have. But now I am not sure how badly I want it. Or will I bear to lose the things that I have to lost should I actualise my dreams. If I go on exchange, I will probably lose touch with people here while struggling to adapt. If I try taking up more responsibilities, I will probably get burnt out, and again, less time for friends and families.

I am still timid. I am still reluctant to change. And I don't know if I should change this mindset. I know opportunities are vast out there, should I first take action to grasp them. But, do I want to even reach out my hand?

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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Are you afrAIDs?


It was an early morning after a good night sleep at 10pm. I woke up at 640am surprisingly but there was still not enough time to prepare. I tried my best to memorise the programme flow and the speakers’ portfolio. Seriously, they haven’t quite sunken in.

‘Are you AfrAIDs’ will rock the stage today.

It did.

I love the documentary we managed to find. It’s about a Thai girl who was not HIV positive, but her entire family, including her parents and her younger sister are, and they have died since then. They showed how her sister and her best friend were initially healthy and active, till how they lost weight, became extremely thin and sick, and eventually, you see them at the cremation. I watched it the day before to get immunized but today I had to distract myself from the video so that I don’t get emo – to maintain my professionalism as an MC.

Prof Albert Teo who's a volunteer at Patient Care Centre spoke. PCC is the only home that takes in people with HIV/AIDS. It’s distressing to hear the stigmatization of people with HIV/AIDS. Their families throw them out. No homes will take them in. Government doesn’t really provide for them due to political interest. They have few volunteers as it’s very traumatizing for them to see the patients weakening and dying EVERYDAY. It’s easy to imagine these situation but it’s a whole different feeling to hear a first-hand encounter from a volunteer who has worked closely with the patients. Ok it’s not really first-hand, as due to the social stigma, the patients couldn't step into the daylight and talk.

So the volunteer has to do the job. Yes it’s easy to blame on the patients for getting it through promiscuous sex. But who hasn’t committed a sin before? Who here is so clean and innocent? And how about the women who got it from their husbands? And the children who got it from their mothers? And those who got it through blood transfusion? HIV/AIDS is just another illness. But the package that comes with it is entirely different from other illnesses. And we all know the difference. The discrimination. At home. At workplace. At social circles. Even though a lot of them can function normally, just like anyone of us. Actually, there’s no reported discrimination against employees with HIV/AIDS, because employees with HIV/AIDS will never tell their employers about this! And fund-raising to help people with HIV/AIDS doesn’t receive well due to the stigmatization as well. But people with HIV needs the money to prevent themselves from getting AIDS, which is when they start falling sick. And the medicine is expensive. Like $1,000 a month. And many of the patients are actually blue-collared worker, so the medicine can easily cost more than their salary. The issues of HIV/AIDS went on and on and there didn’t seem to be much progress in Singapore ever since the illness was identified.

After lunch, Miss Ho Lai Peng spoke. She’s the principal medical social worker at Tan Tock Seng Hospital. She told us that the rate of transmission through blood depends on the amount of blood transmitted. And there must be wound to wound contact before there’s a chance for transmission. HIV/AIDS cannot spread through mosquitoes or saliva. A lot of us know this. But if ask us to share food with people with HIV/AIDS, a lot of us are still hesitant about it. What we know is different from what we do.

People with HIV/AIDS are very sensitive. They are scared of people’s response, they are afraid of transmitting it to others, they are lonely, depressed, anxious, and they can get really work up if they, as employees, have to go through medical checks, as they are afraid that they will be a HIV testing for it. Some people don’t want to start medication, because taking medication is a chop that confirms the diseases. Even taxi drivers are hesitant to drive into Communicable Disease Centre as they are afraid of catching the virus.

I told Miss Ho, during my liaising with her, to share unusual facts about HIV/AIDS. But she said she didn’t know what is unusual about HIV/AIDS, because the public is so ignorant about it. Every truth could probably be unusual. Even the medical workers don’t know it well. There’s a doctor who doesn’t know how to spell HIV in full. I challenge you to try. There were nurses who still thought that HIV/AIDS can transmit through saliva. Even the medical workers don’t know the illness well. How about the public? I always thought that HIV/AIDS has a long history in the world. However, it was only discovered in the 1970s in the world, and the first case in Singapore was 1985. It’s a relatively new issue. However, since 1985, 22 years have passed. Nothing really moved.

The session was really enriching. It opened us to a world that is so foreign to us, yet it’s a pressing issue that we cannot ignore. We can live in comfort and joy, but we should not neglect those who are marginalized and suffering.

I was glad I joined the organizing committee to organize this workshop. Initially I wanted to join it just to enhance my leadership experience. I couldn’t really identify with the topic. Thought that it’s a topic that no one cared about cuz it’s so over-publicised. Then today I realized. Yes it’s a topic that no one cares about. The turn out rate showed it. We had fewer than 40 people attending this, though the expected turn out was 100. Yes people don’t care about it. So we go on with our stereotypes and the help can never reach the people with HIV/AIDS. But it’s ok. The workshop shall enlighten the few who have come and benefited. Hopefully this will be a ripples effect to spread the awareness around. They need the help and we can afford the help. What we need to help ourselves is the psychological fear that we have. It’s natural to have it but it’s actually unsound. We need to overcome ourselves, not overcome the people with HIV/AIDS.

We need to be there.

We can be there.

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Friday, May 11, 2007


Thinking product


'I don't think my employees like me.'


It was the dialog written on the cartoon stuck at the back of the door of a toilet cubicle in my hall (the geographical location sounds real long). Have always been thinking the meaning conveyed behind this phrasing of line for the past one semester. What's the difference between 'I don't think my employees like me' and 'I think my employees don't like me.'?



And in this fateful night, when I visited the same cubicle once more, the stuck thinking process was finally cleared. 'I don't think my employees like me', means that he doesn't think that his employees don't like him, but it's just that he didn't think that they like him. In other words, it means that he isn't sure whether his employees like him or not, but he isn't committing to the thinking that they don't like him. It's just that he's doubting the possibility of them liking him. But he hasn't thought that they don't like him. Whereas for 'I think my employees don't like me', it means that he has already swung to the other stand, committing to the thought that the employees don't like him.



The conclusion sounds simple and common sense? Somehow it arrived at my brain only after a semester of thinking. And I did seriously contemplate on this sentence. May be I am just slow. But hey, I find myself loving this kind of logical thinking. What major should this be called?



Have been working for almost a week for orientation camp preparation. It doesn't seem less busy than the exam days. We wake up late morning/afternoon, straightaway proceed to work, all the way till wee hours when we come home, tired, bathed, check mails, do necessary stuff like changing the programme proposal or AIESEC, fall asleep. My self-promised online learning, laptop spring cleaning and movie watching hasn't come true. Though the 3ers have together gone through one movie marathon. But I still want to watch 28 days later, Pirates II, an Inconvenient Truth, Death Note II and others! The days are just crazily busy.



But I am happy. I feel like I am actually doing some actual work! And I am seeing the product of our teamwork and labour! Though there were desperate moments when we struggled with time and budget, but it's really touching to see us producing real work, from the state when we have nothing. Absolutely nothing. Now we have games, we have ghost walk, we have recording, we have costumes. *tears rolling* My baby...



And life was especially fun with 3ers. I had my wildest fantasy come true. To watch a night of stars. With you all. On the pretty 5th May, we went to ECP and started biking, then dinner, roller blading (or should I call it falling), then meeting (at a pondok at ECP at 11pm!), then stars gazing! We spread the sleeping bag on the sands, then lied down together to look at the vast deep sky. The weather was great. The wind was strong but warm. The moon light was bright. The stars plenty. But the clouds were plenty as well. So they kept blocking the stars behind. It's ok. The clouds were equally pretty. We saw a really nice huge heart-shaped cloud! But it was quickly torn apart. From the middle somemore. Heartbroken. And a lot of questions were asked. All the way till people started falling asleep. It felt great falling asleep on the beach when you have a bunch of friends whom you know you can count on.



But I didn't sleep. The night was too pretty. But I received the consequence immediately after that. The morning after I had orientation camp main comm meeting. All the way till 4pm. 4pm was programmers meeting. Till 6.30pm. Then I had to conduct ghost walk briefing plus after-briefing meeting till 1am. Was barely hanging there with the help of nescafe. But I must admit I was only semi-conscious throughtout the main-comm meeting.


And we didn't get to rest enough after that as well. The next day was purchasing day. Finally I got to go Mustafa Centre. The place is amazingly big and have zillions number of things to sell. But what I like the most is their workers. Everyone of them, including the guard should win the company ambassador award. You can feel that they are truly working for Mustafa, not for the money. Lovely. But well, on that day, we had lunch at 6pm, dinner 12am. Interesting.

The day after was ghost walk preparation. Had a hell lot of fun recording sounds, taking pictures and playing with make ups. I have the urge to post the pictures here but I know I can't. It's private and confidential till July. But it was great fun, with great stress though.


Then it was test games for our programmes. Fun fun fun. I am sure freshies will like the games. And got to know the other programmers better. And got to go Orchard again! And passed by Hwa Chong and SCGS! Missing the place...

Orientation camp has taught me a lot. Not to mention the priceless friendship I got. It's the place where I try leading, which is a huge new challenge to me. I tried multitask. I tried holding meetings. I tried structuring life proper. I tried planning. I tried to create things from nothing. And I ain't good at them yet. There're still lots of rooms for improvement. Especially people relationship, emo management and leadership. I must learn to deal effectively with people of all sorts. Not just friendly ones. And I feel real bad wearing my dear subcomms out. Yes I still have to learn. And it feels good knowing what you want to learn!

Finally got the time and mood to blog. And now I shall go off. Need to replenish my sleep.

3ers at departure MRT. Missing: Yen Yah, Wai Hong, Kim.


My new nails as manicured.


The secluded beach at one end of ECP.


Where planes soar high and frequent.


Where I cast my name.


Where people sail their dreams.


A jie's fetish of kneeling in the middle of the road.


The early morning.


And you can still see the moon shining bright in the presence of the sun.


Huge pretty bottles of perfumes at Textile Centre where we squeezed our budget to the maximum.


Test game. Where group work comes into play.

Twisting and turning of straws to maximise air cushioning.


But eventually, the egg will break.


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4 rustlings

Saturday, May 05, 2007


Bits and Pieces of Sweetness in MY Life


The hell is finally gone. Together with exams and the series of unfortunate events, I am glad that they are ALL gone.
Actually, life isn't that bad while mugging. It's just mug ang mug and mug. And what's nice about it? I have nice sweet company. May be it's now time to introduce the 3ers. They are actually my newest bunch of friends, all made when we joined Malaysian Students' Association Freshmen Orientation Camp 2007 programmers to plan for the programmes for Day 3. (That's why the name 3ers) Somehow the combination was just so nice, that we got really really close, and started mugging together. And now I understand what it means by sadness is halved when shared, but happiness doubled. It's really a rocking fun time with you all. Thank you! *muackz
And now, after exams are not pure fun. In fact, there are 101 things lining up for me to do. Learning more about AIESEC so that I can fulfill my role as InComing Exchange (ICX) VP, planning for orientation, meeting my dear AIESEC mentor, looking for jobs, and all those are on top of having fun! Wahaha.. life rocks when you get to enjoy fun yet have meaningful stuff to do. Like my situation now. Life's not all perfect now. I still have loads of doubts for a lot of things. I am less clear about what I want in life but I suppose that's normal, since I am still changing. But I've learnt to live with the uneasiness of uncertainty in life. ~
The series of unfortunate events, which were basically a series of really unlucky events. I experienced theft, a spoiled phone, couldn't take a paper, thought I only have $5 in my account... all in a month, WHEN I WAS HAVING MY EXAMS. Yes they made me miserable. But they also led me to see the preciousness of friendship. They were there when I was stressed, when I need help, when I'm in trouble. They helped, though they never missed the chance to insult me in return. But I really appreciate that. Thank you.
Life after exams. Chilled out with Psy friends for the first time! Then went to disturb Chen Hui at her workplace in Taka Dunhill. It was a brief but nice meeting! The next day saw me going through ICX training by senior till my brain was filled to the brim (which was just painstakingly emptied during the exams). Then the following day I went for job interview and got my interview skills challenged and sharpened. Then I met my AIESEC mentor. Learnt a lot about her about AIESEC about what we can gain from AIESEC about myself about what I don't know about myself about what I want to get from AIESEC about fashion about jap food about manicure about just stuff! There're so many takeaways from the brief 3 hour meeting. She's simply AWESOME! But I shall list down the one thing that will continue to motivate me in my life in AIESEC. Being in AIESEC allows you to do things you can almost do for a living. But what's the diff between doing in AIESEC and doing for living? You are allowed to make mistakes. Yeah.. working world isn't going to be as kind as of now in school. No one is going to comfort you for your failure. In fact, you have to be responsible and probably get sacked for your failure. That's why it's better to get trained here first. Be a professional student. Cool?
The day after I had movie marathon with 3ers. In one night, we watched 3 movies and 4 variety shows. Exhausting but yay! I got to watch the shows that I really wanna watch! The Pursuit of Happyness was touching, Da Vinci Code was bad but I don't think they could help it and it's just a show I wanted to watch for darn long time, and Devil Wears Prada is cool cool cool!
And today I had 2 meetings for camps, chat online with Fong Chi (we haven't chat for a century!), went to find out more about a job, did mini shopping with JY, witnessed the breakdown of Northeast MRT, walked from chinatown station to Outram station and chat a whole lot with JY in the return ride. Sweet. Came back started doing AIESEC documentation plus edit camp programme proposals.
And what's for tomorrow? 3ers' outing! yay! Can't wait for the fun. I shall continue my sets of questions.
Pardon me for this totally unstructured piece of entry. A lot of people actually commented that it's difficult to finish reading my entries. I'm sorry for that. Having this unstructured piece is against my standards but sometimes I just don't mind having an unstructured entry. As long as I registered down the bits and pieces of sweetness in my life.
:)

Wonder if you can see what's written here using the remains of cheese. (This magnificent artwork was completed during one of those mugging days in 3ers cave.)

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~ wan xin
* a feel
* a soul
* a mind
* an emotion
* an inspiration

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我的語言
- 土生土長的華人
- 學校教了我英文和馬來文
- 環境教了我福建話
- 電視劇教了我廣東話
- 大學和喀麥隆教了我法語
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- 最後一學期一口氣學了日語和西班牙語

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