Thursday, August 30, 2007

来不及的伤感

感谢这个如此强调求知态度的世界。如今,求知欲已根深蒂固。人们在研究事情时,总喜欢问全5W1H。就连在听到死讯后,都要问个一清二楚。他为什么会自杀?他怎样自杀?仿佛只有在知全了前因后果后,人的死,才会显得有意义,才会显得伤感。不了解全相,人的死,仿佛就只停留在震撼他人的阶段。

仿佛,只有在周遭的人遭遇不幸之后,在自己的失落和路人的神情自若或欢笑歌唱的对比之下,才会了解死亡,其实无所不在。世界并不会因为一个死亡而停止转动。而在我们耳语欢笑之间,一条条珍贵的生命,正在悄悄地消失之中。我们并不会察觉,我们的情绪并不会受到影响。一直,一直到它发生在我们周遭的人。

我祈祷,我祈愿,每个在面对失去挚爱之时都能坚强地面对。心痛是难免的,但,希望我们也能感激过她的到来,虽然只是惊鸿一瞥,但至少,在我们心中都曾洒下灿烂的火花。

但愿您在九泉之下安息。

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6 rustlings

Monday, August 27, 2007

It's been so long since I last blogged here. Real long as compared to my past. Shh shut the past off! But it just feels weird not to update the me here.

School has started for 3 weeks since then. As expected, it's crazily busy. But it was crazy with a purpose. Crazy, yet I am clear.

Went for a wow, mind-blowing, tranforming course called Landmark Forum over the first weekend. Shan't talk about it here, but if you are interested in transforming your life into a life you love, contact me and I'll tell you what I've got from the forum.

Went for sister's convocation in Penang over the second weekend. I am so glad that she has graduated. It felt touching seeing her being happy and satisfied. It's good to also see her being tossed and being her cameragirl for her such precious moments!

Was being suddenly summoned to be the emcee for Merdeka Night which will take place next Saturday. Having a lot of fun coming up with things to talk. I will breakthrough from my fear. And yeah, what baby said is probably right, 'Transform your fear into excitement!' The stage shall be my test space for emcee-ing.

I have 20 things on my list now waiting to be completed. It's difficult to compete with my dreams, but I keep motivating myself. If others can do it, it means that there's a way to do it. I can do it as well.

I will be the possibility I created. :)

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0 rustlings

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

New academic year ahead, no, now


I am almost seeing my past. In the faces and actions of those carrying a map and looking lost. Those who apologetically asked for directions and told you that they are late for lectures and tutorials. Those who looked at campus directory but don't understand. That was me. Yes past tense. Last year this time I ws doubting if I was seriously already a university student. But now I am here, a Year 2. My first Year 2 lecture was so fated to be situated next to the LT where I took my first university lecture. It seemed like a progression huh. It was Introduction to Psychology then. And now I am here, looking specifically (yet broadly) into Personality Psychology.

I am looking at S4 now. In bright day light. It's no longer my home at night. The corridors are clean, the lights uncovered. The lift buttons unblocked, no decorations on the floor or wall. There's no candle, no diary pieces, no hair. Everything seems perfectly normal, and humanly. It's so normal, that I doubt the possibility of a ghost walk creation. I know every staircase, every lift. We have names for it. Right now, everything is still the same, but the names can only stay in my heart. Never again will we use them in communication, never will we use it to refer to places. The lifts will be taken as per normal, no one will touch the staircase.

Yet, when I walk pass these spots, there's always a secret voice deep within me, yelling to me their names: SP room, original SP room, secret admirer's room, dark alley, bright alley, scary corridor, not-scary scary corridor, funeral place, Juon's corridor.

These names will be buried. Their cemetry in my heart. I miss the times.

Rest in peace.

La nouvelle annee, le nouveau semestre. Tout est le même tout, mais je sais que quelque chose a changé.

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