A tale of pens
i want to tell a story of me and my pilot pens.
I first met the pilot pens in 2005 when I was travelling in Taiwan with my sister and mother for my elder sister's convocation. I bought three such pilot pens as their colours are really extraordinary and pretty. The colours made me feel good and happy every time I used it. However, I couldn't find this range in Malaysia or Singapore. I treasure these pens and really used them at special occasion so that the ink can sustain till I get replacement again.
I asked my friends who were travelling to Taiwan to help me get them, but somehow none of them could get me the exact colours I wanted.
During my Japan trip, in Shibuya, I finally found them again. So of course, I bought them, one of the same colour as the one I bought in the past, and another new colour.
But when I use the new pens, somehow I feel a tinge of sadness and loneliness. The colour seems like a colour of sad tale.
This made me start thinking about why pens of the same range, the first time I bought it it brought me joy, but second time loneliness. I examined the situation when I bought it. The first time, I was with my sister when I was shopping. The second time, it was when we declared independence and went off for individual shopping. Probably what made me happy the first time, was because I was with my sister, not because of the pen colour. Similarly, what made me feel lonely the second time is because of the lone shopping. It was the situation, not the pen, that causes the change in mood. The pens are just a carrier of mood. Probably.
I used to think I enjoy lone travelling at times. I used to think I enjoy the time spending with me and myself and be present to the scenery around instead of just the companion. But this pen incident has made me thought twice. May be the emotions remembered about the trip is seriously nothing about the place, but about who you were with. I thought I enjoyed the lone travel, so why the pens didn't bring me emotions of peace and serenity, but instead, emotions of loneliness and sadness? Do I really enjoy lone travel? May be I do not. May be I love lone travelling, because it gives me the lonely feel, which is a contrast to the family feel I get when I am with people. So, I crave for lone travel, for the loneliness of it makes me treasure the times I am with people better.
This is what I think.