Saturday, November 01, 2008

Death

Death is such a scary thing, when it happens to the person closest to you. You wake up, trying to do what you used to do with the person everyday, just to realise that you can't do it anymore. You keep thinking that it's probably just a very bad nightmare, but you just can't wake up from it. You tried to catch glimpses of the person or hear the one person one more time, but that person is already so far away. Beyond any possible touch.

I wouldn't want to imagine if anyone around me pass away. So let me just imagine it for myself. It is probably the easiest death experience for me. No pain, no sadness, no longing, just peace.

If I pass away one day, please, tell my parents to set up my funeral this way: I want a really warm gathering for all my family, relatives and friends from all worlds. Anyone who knows me briefly or thoroughly, or just heard about me, are invited. At the funeral, please play any video with me inside, my piano pieces, the songs I wrote, or just my music library, anyone can stand up and share their stories of me. My primary school friends can tell everyone how tyrannic I was then, my secondary school friends can joke about how short I was, CJCH hostel people can sing the farewell song we sang then, Janice W can reveal all the hilarious jokes we ever created, 73s can complain how they hated me, 3ers can disclose all our amazing times, AIESECers can of course, tell my AIESEC experience, struggle and gossip management, those who loved me can elaborate on how I made them suffer, and my family and relatives can talk about how different I was at home. Anyone who loved me please stand up and share. I hope to hear and my family probably would be happy to know that I am once loved. I want warm lighting, may be the entire place can be placed with tealight candles since I love them a lot - they are always there for my favourite memories. It should be at my home, everyone sit around, sad but not depressed. I hope everyone will just reminisce about me, and know the Wan Xin that they never knew from their perspective. Then Rach can use the opportunity to write my biography. Anyone can share at anytime when they have something to share. My mum can record the night down, to replay on nights when she misses me, to replay to me when they think I miss them. Someone can take over my blog and email account and phone to continue reply emails. Of course, it's to tell the senders that I am dead. Life will go on for others, and for me, eternal peace. That's why this is the easiest death that is close to me. If I happen to die, please tell my parents this is what I want. It'll be difficult to go against the tradition, but please, this is my only funeral I will ever have. Marriage, may unfortunately have twice or more, but funeral, seriously only once. So if I pass away, make the funeral mine.

It even saddens me when I am writing about my own death. I can't imagine if one day someone close to me have to leave. Oh god.. if you were to take away someone in my life, just take me away. I can't take the excruciating pain. I am sorry i am a coward at this matter. I really don't think I am strong enough for this. So just take me away. I am sorry to be selfish.

P.S. Just that I thought I should share these with a lot of people so that someone can tell my family when it's needed cuz I won't be able to tell my family this when I am dead. And if this help is called for, allowed me to say in advance, thank you.

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