Thursday, March 26, 2009

My fear and my excitement

I bumped into my Martinique friend in NTU yesterday. He asked me about where my Cameroon trip. I told him. He commented, 'You don't look too excited about it.'

He was right. I was pretty much burnt out these days by all the logistical procedures, and getting pretty worried about so many things - vaccinations, safety, money, flight, visa, accommodation, food, water, electricity, language, communication with family etc. Probably these have consumed up all my enthusiasm for it. The information about Cameroon on internet is far and few, probably because I don't know the right French search words for it. Sometimes these information can be overly negative - and that affects me too. I don't know what other vaccination to take, how much I should bring there, what should I bring there, what should I wear, how should I handle my commitment here etc etc etc. Trust me, if you are too cautious, the logistics can burn you into ashes.

On the same day, due to a spontaneous sms, I decided to meet up with Rina. I went packed with questions to ask her.

But somehow when I saw her, every question needs no answer anymore. The questions no longer seem to matter, the questions no longer feel important anymore. Somehow, a new attitude befell on me - Come what may. I will take care of the essentials, and everything else shall take care of itself. Somehow, the internship doesn't seem to intimidate anymore. And I am again, flooded with excitement and interest - to the point I wish I was there in the next minute.

I have come to realise that preparation for the internship is indeed one whole learning experience on its own. I have already started learning about cross-cultural difference, about international travelling, and most importantly, I have discovered what I am fearful about, and I have experienced generating courage from within.

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Blogger cathyc said...

hey babe, you post damn long la.. i manged to only skim thru the first paragraph..

yea i felt the same with india, brazil, ny and now philly too.. just get so bogged down with all these pre-departure worries that i forgot to be excited.. haha..

anyways, u will have loadsa life changing moments there! i'm jeles and i wish u the best moments ever. Hugs. (i look stoned&stressed whenever i see u guys.. bad timings) haha:)


6:41 PM  
Blogger w a n x i n said...

Hey there, thanks so much for your support! I like the phrase that 'so bogged down with all these pre-departure worries that i forgot to be excited'. Nice one.

Thanks for reminding!

11:26 PM  

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